Throughout the past 8 weeks I have sought to make best use of\u00a0my experiences. I guess this is a way of coping as well as\u00a0getting good out of what may seem bad.<\/p>\n
The past (nearly) 46 years have indeed been a windy road that has had some very steep mountains but also some rolling plains.\u00a0I am not unique in this, I am sure everyone in reflective mode about their own life would say the same. There have been nightmare periods\u00a0when\u00a0I have asked “why me?”. There have been times of great blessings that I have asked “why me?”.<\/p>\n
I am now at a place in time where the last 46 years suddenly make sense.<\/p>\n
Some dear friends in Maryborough hatched the idea of this website. Initially I was embarrassed and asked “why did they do this for me?”. I still am amazed and wonder, but this aside, I decided that they have given me an avenue to help process what is happening in my life. It is now for me to be\u00a0creative enough to use it for it’s full potential.<\/p>\n
This journal page was hatched from that seed. \u00a0In true “Frank Frances” style, I aim to be open\u00a0in the\u00a0journaling and this puts me in a position of vulnerability. But in doing so I hope that\u00a0I can in some way minister to all the amazing people that are opening themselves to being vulnerable and hurt in travelling along this path with me. I treasure their kindness and love\u00a0and therefore must remain true and honest in response.<\/p>\n
In the 46 years there has been a winding spiritual journey also with fluctuating reliance on God. Therefore I warn readers that God will be part of the future journaling. I know some readers may not have the same recognition of God. But I hope they respect that this is my journal and my experience and\u00a0I respect their choices. I also hope this does not turn them off from reading the journal.<\/p>\n
Back to my former comment about my life suddenly making sense. Ten years ago I had a strong sense that I would be given a very important mission in my life. This notion has been driving me to strive for bigger and better positions and a keen interest in leadership. Without sounding totally psychotic,\u00a0I had grandiose ideas of what this mission may have been. Therefore over the years everything i have done to “fix the world” has not quenched my drive, because it has not fixed the world. I believed\u00a0I could be “great” through what\u00a0I could do or give.<\/p>\n
At no particular moment, sometime over the past couple of weeks, I realised this mission was not greatness through what\u00a0I could give or do. The mission is the task at hand, and the greatness is in me being ministered to by others. (I dont\u00a0mean that in a pompous way.)<\/p>\n
The chemotherapy has cut me down. I am physically not able to do what I could. All my mental strength is being used to focus on the now, so as to cope with the journey ahead. I went back to work for 3\/4 day and paid heavily the next day. I realised that chemotherapy is fair dinkum poison and that my body is fighting a massive fight to stay on top. I have to treasure my body and keep it in the best state to do the long haul.<\/p>\n
I have no idea what the result of the long haul is. I have no idea of what time is involved to get to success,\u00a0whatever success is. That\u00a0is…. this chemotherapy may be effective in eradicating cancer from my body, it may\u00a0just keep it under control for a period of time or it may be that is is totally\u00a0ineffective and that\u00a0there is\u00a0no treatment options left except to let cancer run it’s course.<\/p>\n
It is very surreal not knowing if in 6 months time\u00a0I will be dead or alive. Yes. everyone is in that position, but I have been given an actual nail in my coffin. I have to accept the fact that I have cancer and that it has spread to the liver and that could mean I will be dead in the near future if this chemotherapy does not work. I am not saying this is my wish.\u00a0I am not saying\u00a0I am not being positive. I think\u00a0I am being realistic. I believe I have to accept these fundamental\u00a0facts.<\/p>\n
To those who say “just have positive thoughts and you will be healed”, or “pray to Jesus and he will heal you”, I say it is not as simple as that when you are in\u00a0my boat. While I make every effort to be positive, it takes a lot of energy to keep that focus when you are drained by side effects of the chemotherapy 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.<\/p>\n
In closing, let me say that all the people on this journey with me, through the many ways\u00a0you express your support, you\u00a0are empowering me. And with God, I have been able to get this far. So you may therefore appreciate how critical and treasured you are to me at the moment.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Throughout the past 8 weeks I have sought to make best use of\u00a0my experiences. I guess this is a way of coping as well as\u00a0getting good out of what may seem bad. The past (nearly) 46 years have indeed been a windy road that has had some very steep mountains but also some rolling plains.\u00a0I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":92,"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3\/revisions\/92"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}