Still not much journalling of recent. I guess\u00a0I feel in a limbo land. Waiitng to see what the scan will say after the next cycle. Still another 3 1\/2 weks to wait.<\/p>\n
I dont know honestly what\u00a0I want the results to be. It sounds so nice to think that there would be no more chemo. With 9 1\/2 weeks to go it still seems like a never ending journey of unpleasant life. Too hard and too much work. So being told that the chemo could be cut short is WOW!, how nice. But then if it is that chemo is not effective,\u00a0OH NO!, my prognosis goes quickly down hill and how long will I be expected to live? That would be very confronting to think there was not much hope. So overall\u00a0I think that doing the\u00a0full course of chemo\u00a0is the option that\u00a0I really want.<\/p>\n
I am basically a lazy person at heart. If there is an easy way to do this, I would have taken it. That is why\u00a0I struggle with the chemo. It is not the easy way.<\/p>\n
Also I still despair that the side effects will not really wear off after I finish treatment. It has been for so long that eating and drinking is a non event, that\u00a0I worry that my taste buds will forget how they are supposed to work and that I will never get back to tasting. The drug information says “Normal taste will usually come back after the treatment finishes” I don’t like that “usually”, I want it to say “always”, because it makes me worried mine wont come back!!<\/p>\n
I know that sounds so trivial considering the potential impact that the chemo may be having in reducing the tumors and giving me a bit longer to live.<\/p>\n
The reality of that I have cancer hit me again this week. I happened to have my hand on my middle upper abdomen region for no particular reason and notices a hardness that went from\u00a0the right next to the ribs to the midline just below my breastbone. it gave me a shock, because it was my enlarged liver. I had not felt that before. Even though I have had numerous scans, blood tests and recently pain that tells me that I have cancer\u00a0with liver\u00a0metastasis, I experienced the weird thought of ” oh, so all this is real,\u00a0I do have cancer and it is progressing”.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Still not much journalling of recent. I guess\u00a0I feel in a limbo land. Waiitng to see what the scan will say after the next cycle. Still another 3 1\/2 weks to wait. I dont know honestly what\u00a0I want the results to be. It sounds so nice to think that there would be no more chemo. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-48","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/48","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=48"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/48\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":80,"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/48\/revisions\/80"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=48"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=48"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=48"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}