I cant believe that it I am nearly 10 weeks in to chemo and there is only 8 to go. It has seemed liked an eternity, but also another eternity to go. I read of people that have longer sentences of chemo or repeat courses and marvel at their strength. It is so true that God gives us the\u00a0ability to face our path and that one only. Each morning\u00a0I despair of having to go through another day, but then as the day goes by\u00a0I realise\u00a0I have achieved some more time and that means there is less to go. It is a small token of encouragement.<\/p>\n
The Christmas cycle was a great gift of so many people’s time and support. With the wedding and festive season, it seemed to be a full time. Now it is back to the humdrum of everyone being at work. Mike starts his new job as Executive Director at QE11 Hospital today. That is good as it means less travel for him and he is closer should I need any support. But it is sad as he has been so supportive, learning the caring role – not one that comes easy to him. He is showing great patience with me and learning the routine. For this I am so appreciative as it makes\u00a0each day a little easier.<\/p>\n
Many people visit and tell me that\u00a0I look good.\u00a0I appreciate their words. It is frustrating though because inside myself I just feel this dead, toxic feeling of sickness and wonder what others see. I guess that is where how you feel is often in the mind and the perspective that you chose to see life from. I guess I go on about this dead feeling a bit. It is because I feel\u00a0I cannot adequately describe the second sense that I have that some of\u00a0my body is being poisoned. Perhaps\u00a0I ramble on about it becasue\u00a0I find it hard to accept that this is what\u00a0I am doing to myself. And maybe I just don’t accept that\u00a0I have to go through chemo. I will be ever so relieved once the CTScan is done in a couple of weeks becasue\u00a0I think it will make life so much more easier to know that the chemo is taking effect and that\u00a0I have not wasted 12 weeks of being sick for no gain. I keep myself on hold waiting for those results, as\u00a0I do not want to be angry if the results are not good and I have wasted time. But if that is the case, you make decisions with the information that you have at the time and you cant kick yourself for what you could not know.<\/p>\n
I guess too I still am trying to accept that\u00a0I have cancer. It is a thought that sits in the back of\u00a0my mind, part of who\u00a0I am but not. I have physical signs that things are happening – different pains, intoleracne to fat, bloating and new lumps in the abdomen, that affirm that it is all true. But it is still this weird thing that is happening around me and not to me. It is sometimes like a charade that everyone is playing out with me. When will the end come and we all live happily ever after? When is the game up and we all get back on with our life that we lived up to a few months ago?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I cant believe that it I am nearly 10 weeks in to chemo and there is only 8 to go. It has seemed liked an eternity, but also another eternity to go. I read of people that have longer sentences of chemo or repeat courses and marvel at their strength. It is so true that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-52","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/52","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=52"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/52\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":79,"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/52\/revisions\/79"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=52"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=52"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.path2petrie.com\/journal\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=52"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}